| So it has been a great while since I have written. Mainly I guess because there has been so much going on and the "Xanga trend" has maybe died down some...sad, but true.
A lot has happened since November. I got through the semester, not with flying colors (this is me we're talking about), but I got through and that is what matters! I worked at the Nursing home over break as well as I got to spend a lot of time with my family as well as my church family and friends.
The big thing that happened over break was that I was baptized. It was pretty amazing actually. I was baptized when I was 10. But I am pretty sure that I was not saved then. I remember back to then and I am sure that the main reason why I was baptized then what because that is what all of the other church kids were doing. My faith wasn't really mine then and that was no one else's fault but my own.
So recently I had been really praying about getting re-baptized. It would be a major step in my spiritual walk with the Lord and a major sign of commitment for me. Two major influences in my life baptized me December 14th, 2008. I really cannot express how much of an influence that they have had on my life. The love of Christ just seeps from who they are and for that I am so incredibly grateful. Another thing that I learned over break was that even though we may be apart from people that we love, they are still there in spirit/heart. We will never be apart because we are all linked together through our love for each other.
Recently I AGAIN have been struggling with school...why does it have to be such a struggle for me? I mean I really do try....hard...but sometimes it seems not to be good enough. God is good thought. I had a long talk with my roommate Kayla while we were on a 4 mile run yesterday. he told me that no matter how much either of us struggle, we are here for a reason and honestly we are pretty sure that God would not have had us get in to this highly rated school if he didn't want us here. Something is going to happen and it will all happen for a reason and I am super excited to see what the Lord has in store for me.
I'm super excited for what he has in store for when I get back home. We have put a deposit down on an apartment in Des Moines about 5 min from my parent's house as well as the Church. So excited! And I get to live with two AMAZING women and get to live really close to 3 other AMAZING women! it's going to be great!
I am also open and excited for what God has in store for the Church and the ministry that he has blessed me with. I am excited to be back laboring with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I feel like college has been my extreme luke-warm phase. And that is only because I have let it do so. It's sad and that is something that I am really working to change. I have been reading the book "Crazy Love" slowly but surely. One of the quotes that has struck me was "When Salt is salty it helps manure become good fertilizer...but luke-warm and uncommitted faith is completely useless. It can't even benefit manure." Talk about a kick in the pants...boo But it really got me thinking about how I am living my life and how I don't want to be like that. I really think that I am going to make some major goals for my life soon and write them down.
At Faithwalkers I made a commitment that things were going to be diferent in my life and I plan to keep that commitement.
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| I ache in the heart region. Who knew it could hurt so much. I guess
that is what happens when you open up you heart. People always
leave...they do...it's inevitable...i of all people should be used to
it by now. She wasn't even related, but she became part of the family,
part of my life...I missed my grandma so much that it was easy to let
another woman with a compassionate heart fill the void at least half
way. It made the loss of my grandmother eight years ago ache a lot
less. Now Charlotte is gone too, and the whole in my heart is hurting
again...every time the wind blows through...
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| Living where I live I never in my right mind would have thought that I
would ever be feeling the way that I feel right now. I feel hollow
inside, as though I am inferior...maybe I am...maybe I really do need
to change, maybe it IS me who's the problem...I'm a people pleaser. I
enjoy making people happy and being all things to all people, but I
often forget about me sometimes...no one takes care of me...i take care
of myself...and that's ok...it just gets tiring sometimes. It get
frustrating when people who are 90 and 900 miles away care and do more
for me than a person who is less then 9ft away from me....oh well...i
really need to stop complaining... |
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| Candle in the Wind
By Elton John
Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
You called out to our country
And you whispered to those in pain
Now you belong to heaven
And the stars spell out your name
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your legend ever will
Loveliness we've lost
These empty days without your smile
This torch we'll always carry
For our nation's golden child
And even though we try
The truth brings us to tears
All our words cannot express
The joy you brought us through the years
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned our long before
Your legend ever will
Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
Goodbye England's rose
From a country lost without your soul
Who'll miss the wings of your compassion
More than you'll ever know
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And you footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your legend ever will
(This song was played at a funeral that I went to this summer. Now whenever I hear this song I can't help but cry a little...)
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| http://formetoliveischrist-iamnotashamed.blogspot.com/ |
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